Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
