New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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