You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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