so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize