Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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