best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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