New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
