You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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