You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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