did you get engaged???
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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