I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
