Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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