So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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