If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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