I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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