well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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