I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
