WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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