For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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