i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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