so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
