Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
