Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
