So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
