Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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