did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
