Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
