I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just threw up on my dentist
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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