i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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