I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
