I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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