dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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