I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
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I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize