At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
