He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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