you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
