Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The feeling are messing with the penis
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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