awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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