508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
