the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
