I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
