Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
its not stalking. its research.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
