How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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