How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
