he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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