i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
