Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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