the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
