I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
