Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
