he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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