This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
