Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
