it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
