I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
