there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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