well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
