We're like a lot better than the average bears
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
