naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize