you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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