Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
