Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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