nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
