I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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