I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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