if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
