Girls should come with a carfax report
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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