Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
