There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
