I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
