Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
then he tried to convert me to islam
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
