I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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